New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize