I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
