I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
