$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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