How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
