I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need to sanitize my soul.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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