He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
