it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
