i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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