I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
