no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
