Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
