awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
