I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
