She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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