remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
