I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
