I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
