Non-Jews are for practice
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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