Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
