I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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