i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
