Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
