Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
