I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
