I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
