I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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