he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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