just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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