i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
