he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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