You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
