There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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