Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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