All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
