guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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