I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
