That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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