I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
