i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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