what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
