i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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