She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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