im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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