u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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