I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
