About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
