Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
