Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
