giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
