cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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