i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Did I show you my penis last night?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
