If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
