You work out of a Hotel?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
