I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
