i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everyone says I win the strip club
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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