So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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