I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
