How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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