Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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