Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
