there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
