you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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