I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
