dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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