I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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