Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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