I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
