I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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