I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
