So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
